It is 4 AM

Yes, I am up way too late. Over it.

You know what I don't understand?

People.

Sometimes I wonder about them, and why they care about certain things that I don't seem to care about.

I just love books. They're much simpler than real people.

I am trying to write a thesis paragraph for my term paper. It's for my Early Christian/Byzantine Art class.

Let's just say, I love this class. I'm doing pretty well in it, however I've only had two grades thus far, and I only have three more grades for the entire class. Hence, each of the assignments are incredibly important. Hence I feel this pressure to do very well on each of them. Hence I studied five hours plus for the first test. It totally paid off though....I did not do it by myself however.

Anyway.

Term paper, it's kind of a Big Deal.

First let me explain my mixed feelings. For my paper proposal, I picked this fresco in the Santa Maria Antiqua in Rome. Unbeknownst to me, this is actually a Western Medieval piece of art. Guess who does not know the difference between Western Medieval and Byzantine frescoes in the mid-sixth century? Me. Needless to say, I'm borderline freaking out about this paper.

But, I love the topic I chose. Depictions of Mary as a Maria Regina figure? Gosh dang, I love Byzantine art. And I love the piece I chose. It's a really unique one; it's the earliest depiction of Mary as the Regina (empress/queen) figure, AND it survived the Byzantine iconoclastic period in which many pictures were destroyed. Kind of a big deal for Byzantine art historians.

But according to my professor and others, it's technically Western Medieval.

"Whyyyyyy?" I whine.

So basically, I'm worried that this is a handicap to my paper, although my professor told me that it's not. I don't think he knows I'm a lowly freshman who has never written a research paper of this size. I'm also unclear as to what I'm supposed to do with this paper. He said to put it in context, but that is so vague. I need a prompt AP Lit style, please.

Plus, I'm writing this paper and the person grading it will be an expert on the subject. He has probably seen plenty of papers discussing the depiction of Mary as an empress. This is intimidating.

I'm thinking about discussing contemporary images of Byzantine empresses as well as images of Mary not necessarily shown as an empress but as the Theotokos, the "Bearer of God." Does this count? I feel like....these images indirectly (or directly, but I can't make such a bold claim) influence the decision to depict Mary as a Regina.

The biggest trouble I'm having is articulating my thoughts. I know what I want to say, but I don't know how to say it.

Bissera Pentcheva, could you please write this essay for me? I can pay you $5.

By the way, Bissera Pentcheva is currently my hero. I want to copy and paste her book Icons and Power: The Mother of God in Byzantium into a Word document and submit that for my paper.

Oh and one last question. Would it be weird if I talked about Ariadne and Sophia but left out Theodora? I mean, she came between Ariadne and Sophia and was kind of an important empress....but that would require more research. Blehh.

Halloween

Question:

Do you think I/anyone in general could pull of the Nike of Samothrace for a Halloween costume?

*Note: this is completely hypothetical/highly unlikely that I would ever do this. But holy crap I love this statue.

The 17th

Today was my birthday.

Birthdays are always anticlimactic.

The highlight: My dad called and sang "Happy Birthday" Dumbo style for me. Loved it.

Nineteen is a weird age, I think. Nothing really exciting happens, and yet it's like, "holy crap, I'm almost twenty." Now, twenty sounds old and nineteen is just awkward. If I was a boy, I could go on a mission. I think about this often actually. Just two more years though.

Overall: lots of cake=a good birthday.

Fun, or at least my definition

Peter asked me last night what I did in my free time. I told him that I go to lectures.

There are so many interesting things happening at college. There is so much to learn. A few weeks ago I went a lecture about the collapse of empires. Last night I learned about German film and art/literature and its role during post-WWII. It was so very intriguing. Today I saw a presentation on flint knapping. (Flint knapping is one of those things that's more exciting to watch than to think or hear about.) Tomorrow I get to go to a lecture about the Sophie Project, a project about early German women authors.

Guys, I never studied any of these things for quiz bowl nor did I know the study of these things even existed.

A lot of upper classmen have mentioned to us freshmen that they wish they would have been involved with more things during college. Well, this is my version of being more involved. Plus, you meet really cool and interesting and intellectual people when you go to these things.

Oh, and did I mention that they're all free? College just keeps getting better and better.

In Love

I love October.

I love the fall.
I love the way the air smells, the way the leaves change color in an explosion of autumnal splendor.

I love fall weather: not too hot, not too cold. Excellent medium.

I love pumpkins and squash.

I love Halloween and how so many people are so creative with their costumes.

I love creativity and originality.

I love Almond Joys, but for some reason very few people ever handed those out for treats.

I love pumpkin chocolate chip cookies.

I love apple pie.

I love apple cider and cider donuts.

I love fall fashion.

I love fall colors.

I love general conference, which always happens the first weekend in October.

I love the general authorities of the church.

I love the gospel.

I love how general conference always makes me want to be a better person.

I love how general conference gives me hope and guidance and answers.

I love Feist.

I love melancholy love songs.

I love the perfectness of today's weather.

I love Byzantine architecture.

I love my purple glasses.

I love this Threadless shirt I'm wearing.

I love how my professors are all awesome.

I love that I get to go to college.

I love the huge variety of people I meet on a daily basis.

I love diversity.

I love my family: Rielly, Lacey, Clayton, Colby, Luke, Leah, and Abby. They're perfectly imperfect, and I would have them no other way.

I love my mother. The more I see of the world, the more I'm grateful that she's my mother.

I love my father. Sister Dalton was so right about a father's influence in his daughter's life.

I love that there is kindness in the world.

I love generosity.

I love the Spirit.

I love unselfishness.

I love that I have friends, old and new.

I love that I was given the opportunity to live in Michigan.

I love that I chose to come to BYU.

I love the feeling when I first lay down in my bed after a long day, and I can just completely relax.

I love sarcasm.

I love witty humor. PUNS!

I love the feeling of satisfaction.

I love the sound of an acoustic guitar.

I love the sound of a ukulele.

I love grey skies.

I love the rain.

I love being in the rain.

I love the English language.

I love books, how authors can manipulate language.

I love the simple sounds of a piano.

I love the sculpture of Michelangelo. Overrated, but what can I say?

I love paintings.

I love the silent, venerated beauty of an old building in ruins.

I love poetry.

I love spontaneity, although I'm not prone to it very often if at all.

I love bread.

I love mangoes and avocados.

I love my eyes and hands.

I love thinking and pondering.

I love silence.

I love laughter, especially when someone's laugh is contagious.

I love children: their simplicity, their willingness, their genuine nature.

I love history.

I love my patriarchal blessing.

I love all that Novi quiz bowl has made me.

I love the internet.

I love hymns.

I love prayer.

I love wisdom, especially the wisdom of God.

I love Fridays. But alas, today is Monday.

I love life....most of the times. :)

And if you really read through this crazy long list of things I love (which is not complete, I'm pretty sure), then I love you, too.

This is me, choosing to be happy.

Some people say that happiness is a choice, and I really do believe this.

But my question is, what if you have a hard time choosing happiness?

It should be an easy choice, right? An obvious answer. I mean, why wouldn't you choose happiness? Right?