Other than the light partially obliterating our faces, I love this picture. The colors, the people, the time of year.

My Portion of Humankind

I think about the following quite a bit though not often enough:

"Each of us has more opportunities to do good and to be good than we ever use. These opportunities lie all around us. Whatever the size of our present circle of effective influence, if we were to improve our performance even a little bit, that circle would be enlarged. There are many individuals waiting to be touched and loved if we care enough to improve in our performance.

We must remember that those mortals we meet in parking lots, offices, elevators, and elsewhere are that portion of mankind God has given us to love and to serve. It will do us little good to speak of the general brotherhood of mankind if we cannot regard those who are all around us as our brothers and sisters. If our sample of humanity seems unglamorous or so very small, we need to remember the parable Jesus gave us in which he reminded us that greatness is not always a matter of size or scale, but of the quality of one’s life. If we do well with our talents and with the opportunities around us, this will not go unnoticed by God. And to those who do well with the opportunities given them, even more will be given!"

To me, it's a really empowering fact that God puts you in a place at a certain time, not always for you benefit, but to benefit others. He trusts you, he gives you responsibilities, because he knows that you are capable of effecting a change in the lives of others for the better. This fact has so much potential to alter people's attitudes, and it want it to have more sway in my life as I interact with those around me. 

In the same article where the above is taken from, President Spencer W. Kimball also notes that Jesus "was not afraid of close friendships." Being social and reaching out to people is hard for me. But to be someone's friend, to gain and honor their trust, is an effective way to love and serve them. I crave to serve those around me and be an instrument in the hands of the Lord, but it's a matter of overcoming my weakness and going forth in boldness and courage to serve my portion of humankind.

My Grandmother's Nightgown

For the last several years of her life, my grandmother was home-bound. Every time we visited her, she was wearing a nightgown. She was small, with her thin, wispy, permed white hair and large-framed glasses, and her nightgowns seemed to swallow her. They were so grandmotherly--long and loose dresses of the softest material, some frill or embroidery around the edges, garnished with small buttons. It seemed so fitting, so classic, that my grandmother wore these nightgowns.

When she passed away in March, my grandfather gave her pajamas to the granddaughters who wanted them. I took one of my grandmother's nightgowns. I wore it to bed for the first time a few nights ago. The nightgown was permeated with her smell. I wanted to take it back off and put it back in the drawer so I could preserve the smell and thereby the memories associated with this nightgown.

But I left it on, and in the morning the smell merely lingered. It was a bittersweet moment as I realized that not all things have to fade away.

Graduated

I graduated. Magna Cum Laude. December 2014. Nathan, too.

Life after graduation is different than I imagined. I imagined employment or scholarships offering us opportunities in someplace else, someplace new and probably exciting. Nothing terribly exotic, but something different, a visual and physical break with my undergraduate experience.

But I find myself in the same place, same apartment, wearing the same things, eating the same things, living with the same hand-me-down furniture as my undergraduate years. In two years, I'll probably find myself in the same place; if not the same apartment then the same quiet college town.

I can't help but feel that life has a way of being anticlimactic. Something "big" happens, the hulabaloo dies down in a matter of minutes, hours, or maybe even days, and then it continues. Life picks back up, and on you go.

Who knows what I'm looking for when these big life events happen? I think I'm searching for a pause button. Wait, wait, just a minute. Let's savor this moment, celebrate with people we love, and just take a small break to say yes! We did it! But life, especially my life, happens quietly. It really makes me reevaluate history, this awareness of just how quiet yet significant peoples' lives can be.

Rainy Day and Stuck Thoughts

It's a rainy day.

Not just any rainy day, though. The kind of rainy day where it's rained all day, and it's supposed to rain on into tomorrow. The kind of rainy day where the rain is persistent, and the monotonous sound begins to imprint itself in your mind, and your thoughts get stuck in a pattern like the rain drops.

Here are some of my thoughts that are kind of stuck right now:
--Being unemployed is boring and kind of scary.
--The worst part of unemployment is waiting for the process to unravel.
--Do I want to go to grad school in art history because it's comfortable, familiar, and I'm good at it, or do I want to push myself outside my comfort zone and try something new, take my life in a different direction?
--That GRE...
--Law school?
--Leah. Cutest missionary ever, and she's so happy. I'm happy for her.
--I just want to be warm in my apartment, is that too much to ask?
--Money. Ugh.
--Do I miss school or am I enjoying the break from it?

Welcome, 2015.