Feminist Confessions

Lately I've been toying with the idea of starting an LDS feminist blog. But I really don't think I could keep it up on a regular basis, and I'm not sure I have something to contribute. I like reading and being aware of discourses. So maybe I'll just compile links of good blogs or articles to read. (Sometimes I wish there was more of that on the internet.) Or maybe write a blog about Mormon women's history. Guys, that stuff is inspiring and so interesting, and I want to talk about it more. I'll consider it.

So I'm not changing my last name. It's been a year, and I've yet to really come out and announce it to people. I'm not sure how to do this, which is why I'm posting it on this blog that three people read. I just need to put it out there, ya know?

Some may wonder why. Well. There are a lot of reasons.
I grew up a Maxfield, and I spent many years crafting my identity as Emaline Maxfield. I attach a lot of significance to names. I was never raised a Rodriguez, I don't feel like a Rodriguez. I feel like Emaline Maxfield, daughter of Clark D. Maxfield and Melissa May Thompson Maxfield. I like the idea of crafting my own identity without feeling pressured by societal expectations, and I want my children to know that.
The list goes on, I promise. But I won't list them here. If you're really curious, feel free to ask me about it. I'm happy to discuss it with you.

On that note, let me say this: I believe that every woman has the choice to do what she wants when it comes to changing or not changing her last name, and I respect that--truly. My opinions are personal, and I don't impose my beliefs on others.

For most of my life, I've spent my time feeling inferior to others.
I felt like I didn't have the right clothes, right make-up, right hair, or enough knowledge to confidently approach someone.
And this needs to stop. Not just for me, but for everyone.
I don't need exterior accoutrements to be who I want to be.
Comparing myself to others is nothing but damaging.
Confidence comes from the inside, not on the outside.
I am an imperfect but capable person, just like everyone else out there.
For the first time, I actually believe this.
I'm not just repeating something for the sake of saying it because it's good.
For the first time, I'm going to start acting like the confident, capable, and yet imperfect person that I am.