Death...

I didn't really plan on blogging about the death of a student at my old school or two others at my current school, but I had something of a realization.  It wasn't about life and living every moment to its fullest, but rather about what comes after our earthly existence. This past year of my life, death hasn't necessarily touched me personally, but it's definitely affected those around me. So, in a way, I suppose death has affected me; more so than in any other year of my life. I apologize if you disagree with my beliefs, are offended by them, are upset by them, etc. I hope that, even if you disagree with my views, you can respect them.

I'm not too savvy on what other religions believe about life after death, but there's one thing I believe in and that's this: our earthly existence is not final. There is a life after this one.

My religion tends to see things in a very eternal perspective, and that's often difficult for me to grasp. Nonetheless, I don't think that this life on earth is all there is: we're born as a matter of circumstance, we live life, and then die, only to be decomposed by worms.
No.
I believe that life--all inclusive, with our relationships, our knowledge, our memories--extends beyond this one. Those who have already passed on, we will get the chance to see again. Death is not the ultimate end, it's not final. It's just...a temporary disconnection from others. Of course it's sad, it's terrible, it's difficult. But it's definitely not permanent.

And to me, that's comforting.

Even in my moments of doubt or hesitation, when I suddenly start to think that maybe this is it, just the thought that there's something after this life is reassuring. And for me, that's enough.

Lately

Lately I've been reflecting on the fact that my future will be drastically different from my present. I hope I'm not too changed, but this saddens me. What if I'm content with the present? What if there are certain aspects of my life I don't want to change, but I can't prevent them from evolving? What if there are people I don't want to forget, people I don't want to lose contact with?

Lately I've been thinking about May. May will be a great month this year. I'm graduating that month, I'm going to be staffing nationals, my last batch of AP tests. I've also been considering prom, for sentimentality's sake. Maybe not the dance itself....I might just be looking for an excuse to buy a nice dress and wear it. Might.

Lately I haven't really been going to school. I don't really like my school that much, but still I feel the need to go to school. My day feels unproductive without it.

Lately I've been playing quite a bit of piano. Because not only did you want to know that, you needed to know that. I'm trying to learn "Claire de Lune." It's a gorgeous song, but I'm having difficulty with the five flats and monstrous chords. My pinkies hurt.

Lately I've been quite frustrated with my quiz bowl team. I don't feel as if anything is happening with quiz bowl.  I've resorted to reading at tournaments and I'm having trouble finding motivation to study. I have this theory about why quiz bowl is playing such a major part in my life/thought processes right now--even more than usual. It's kind of like Blanche Dubois, how she couldn't let go of this ideal, this concept of beauty and youth that she outgrew. She couldn't get over her past and move forward, so she clung desperately to this fantasy that was a figment of her imagination, something she couldn't help but believe in. A frenzied hope, a cry for normalcy amidst the changing scenes of life. Or it could just be that I have little else to occupy my thoughts with little to no school work.