I've been thinking a lot about regrets lately, mostly the ones I have from my teenage years. I try to justify some of my actions by saying I was a teenager with weird, unbalanced hormone levels, and I'm a very different person now, but I struggle to understand my motivation for some of the things I did.
I ran into someone on campus the other day that sparked this train of thought. When I first saw them, it didn't register for a split second, then I barely had time to say "hey" as I walked passed them. All of the sudden I was overwhelmed with this desire to contact this person and profusely apologize. I wouldn't necessarily be asking for their forgiveness, but rather their understanding. I just wanted to say, and still want to say, sorry, sorry for being mean, sorry for not being a better friend when I really should have been. I just want this person to know that I regret so much what happened with our friendship and the way it ended, mainly because of my fault.
I want my life to be lived without regrets. I hate feeling like this, it haunts me. I want to treat others the way I want to be treated, the way others simply deserve to be treated. And I want to be happy, but feeling like this prevents me from being happy. So, I think I'm going to write this person a letter and send it to them in the mail. I hope they open it. Even if they don't, at least I sent it.
