Dear Blog,
Hello.
I know you probably feel abandoned, ignored, or forgotten by me. That's OK. I would too if I were you. It's only been like two months. Let's just say I've been really really busy. Mainly working. And Nathan came to visit me, which was nice. But mainly working. It's hard to believe that 4-H camp is already over, and we're halfway through July. I'll probably be back at school before I know it. To be honest, I'm not sure how I feel about it. I miss school...but I have decisions to make before then, stuff to do, etc. For example, I'm thinking about buying a car. This would mean car shopping, spending a bunch of money (which terrifies me), insurance, and gas. Hello, adult world! Why can't I be six again, playing with my Barbies, my biggest decision being how should I dress my Barbie, and can we please go to the park for the day? Life is crazy crazy.
I had a break through the other day about myself/my personality. I'm pretty sure I've realized this about myself before, but it reoccurred to me the other day. I'm a very reserved person. I'm not very effulgent when it comes to emotions, I don't express a lot of things, I keep to myself. I never thought this would be such an issue with myself or others. But I accept it for the most part. I guess the trick is trying to get others to accept it.
I'm ready for this summer to be over. My feelings about school itself are kind of torn, but I'm ready for the frustration caused by long distance to be over. I'm tired of battling 1700 miles and having only my memories to remind or inform me of my feelings. When am I going back/how am I getting back? Good question! I don't know. How am I going to pay for gas, insurance, utilities, and food if I do buy a car? That is another very good question. I would really rather not have a part-time job while at school. I have a wonderful scholarship that I would love to maintain/need to maintain, and it requires a lot of work and focus. Sometimes I worry that other things, such as a relationship, a job, fun activities/extra curricular, or life in general, will get in the way of my education. I really think that it is my top priority, and is this a good or a bad thing? I'm not sure. Honestly, my religion is probably up there next to my education. Then I worry I'm not putting enough energy into other aspects of life, such as my relationship, socializing or relaxing and having some fun, but when I think about it, I just don't care, because it's all for the sake of my education. Heaven forbid anything get in the way of my schooling.
So basically, I still have a lot to learn, especially about life. This is where I'm at right now. Thinking, thinking, thinking; wishing, wondering, hoping. Typical me.
Yours, etc.,
Emmeline
