Frustration: the Anger from Being Passive

A terse monologue in one act.

The stage is empty except for a single spotlight that shines down on a stool.

Enter stage left; a girl, tall, brown hair, wearing a purple shirt with purple-rimmed glasses. She sits.

ACT I, Scene i

GIRL IN PURPLE: I went to work today. I worked with this guy: for the sake of the story we'll call him Brandon. So here's the deal. I told this other guy (a few days ago) I work with-Jami-that I could cover his shift for him on Saturday. Cool; I picked up an extra shift. I get in to work today and I look at the work schedule and for Saturday it has Jami's name for working the shift. But Brandon had crossed out Jami's name, put his own name, and then Jami had crossed out Brandon's name and written my name. OK, whatever....somewhat confusing but essentially I'm still working. My name is the only one not crossed out so far. I sit down and am reading my book because no one is swimming. Then Brandon comes up to me and says, "Hey, why'd you cross out my name for the 25th?" I reply: "I didn't." So he says: "Who crossed out my name?" I reply: "Well, I had talked to Jami after he put up the note in the guards' shed saying he needed someone to work that shift for him and he said, 'Great! Thanks! I'll cross my name out and write your name in.' So I'm thinking Jami crossed your name out." Brandon: "But I talked to Toni and after she saw the note she asked if I could take that shift. I kind of wanted to work it too because I cancelled my plans I had for Saturday night." Me: "Fine, you take the shift. No problem." Brandon: "OK, thanks!"

At first I'm not thinking much about it. Then as the night goes on, it kind of hits me. I just handed forty bucks over to this kid. I didn't want to give up that shift. I was the one who actually talked to Jami about it; I made contact with the guy who was supposed to be working the shift. But no. Our pool supervisor, Toni, has to come in and schedule Brandon for that shift.

A) it wasn't Toni's shift to reschedule, and B) I shouldn't of been so passive. I should have pointed out to him that it wasn't Toni's shift and that if he really wanted the shift, he should have talked to Jami. I should have told him, "Oh, I'm sorry. I already talked to Jami and I was planning on taking that shift. Sorry you cancelled your plans." If he had plans then why did he take this shift in the first place?? It just kills me that I handed him forty bucks, no problem. I should have stood my ground. It just really frustrates me. I didn't want to sit and argue with him, going back and forth:

"Well, I was going to take that shift."

"But I talked to Toni."

"And I talked to Jami."

"But I cancelled my plans for Saturday night."

"Well, I'm sorry. Uncancel them?"

How would that be? Stupid. I mean, it's kind of petty that I'm peeved about this mix-up anyway but still: it's upsetting me. Plus it doesn't help that this kid sat there for the next hour or so and talked it up. He told me about his dad in Montana who is a multi-millionaire and he's in the archery business. Supposedly his business is throughout the Dakotas, Utah, and Wyoming as well. What? No one lives in Wyoming. They gave them a single representative in the House out of sheer pity; they don't even have enough people to constitute needing a representative. I mean, he was a nice kid overall but I just got off to a bad start with him. And sure, it's petty but it still upsets me. Just in case I didn't get the message through.

Exit stage right. Light dims; fin.

p.s. Yes, I have been reading a lot of plays lately. I'm stuck on Tennessee Williams right now. Was the whole layout lame/cheesy? If it was, please feel free telling me. It looked much better in my mind.

Man's Search for Meaning

In a nutshell,

Man's Search for Meaning is about Viktor Frankl's experiences in a concentration camp from a psychoanalytical view.

It's really interesting. I really enjoyed it. I feel like this book isn't the classic book about the Holocaust. "Oh it was so horrible and the SS guards were brutal. Nazis are bad." I mean, that stuff is true and he does show it in his book but it's all from a psychoanalytical view. He goes beyond his experiences and explains the psychological reaction to his experiences. The way he puts it together and makes it easy to understand is another aspect about this book I really liked. The second half of the book is about his theory called logotherapy. Basically logotherapy says that man, in order to live, needs to have some kind of meaning. They are always searching for it whether they realize it or not. Life is not empty or simply nothing, as existentalists say, but man is always searching for meaning. If they have a "why to live, they can endure almost any how" is how he puts it using a quote from Friedrich Nietzsche. I think that statement summarizes his whole book: those whoe believed they had something to live for in the concentration camp were more likely to live and survive any conditions they were put under. He goes on to futher point out that it's our decisions, not the conditions that determine the meaning of our life. It's a great, quick read and comes highly recommended from myself.

Bullet Points

• I've been working. A lot. This is good.
• As Germany gets somewhat closer, I get more nervous. I haven't seen my cousin I'm going to visit in like 10 years. He seems nice and I don't doubt him but I'm worried about staying with him and his wife, whom I've never met. I'm determined though.
• David Hockney is my new favorite artist of the month. More on him to follow.
• I called someone at work eye candy and Rae was really amused by this. I'm still trying to figure out why....but not really.
• Man's Search for Meaning is now one of my favorite books. More on this to follow.
• I've been reading a lot.
• I've been playing Sims 3 a lot.
• I've been spending a lot of time alone. Maybe this is a good thing. At least I'm not in want of good company.
• Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince was really good. It's my favorite of the Harry Potter movies so far.
• This post was really exciting. But not really.

Ich gehe!

Ich gehe nach Deutschland diesem Sommer! Ich bin sehr aufgeregt! Ich gehe in August.

I'm going to Germany this summer! I'm very excited! I'm going in August.

See? I'm jumping for joy.

This Past Week

This past week was actually really nice. I read The Importance of Being Earnest, The Great Gatsby, The Maltese Falcon, The Dain Curse, and The Glass Key. The Maltese Falcon is now one of my favorite books (definitely top ten) and The Importance of Being Earnest was really entertaining. Both come highly recommended from myself. The Great Gatsby was actually interesting, especially to see Fitzgerald's interpretation on the jazz age.

I was really productive. Plus I worked a lot. I worked a couple shifts with this girl named Katie and she's nice but we didn't really talk. About anything. Which is horrible because I'm a gauche person and at times the silence was kind of awkward...Everything we said to each other had something to do with the weather. Any time I talked with her, she would say how it's cloudy, windy, sunny, etc. Whenever we had these mini conversations about the weather, I sat there thinking about Gwendolyn Fairfax from The Importance of Being Earnest. Someone mentions the weather to her and she remarks, "I do not like it when people talk about the weather. It always seems as if they have something else to say." It just made me laugh in a weird, nerdy way.

I should probably get started on my summer reading for AP Lang instead of Dashiell Hammett detective novels. We'll see how it goes.

My Fourth of July

Yesterday I...

-worked for ten hours

-finished The Dain Curse and then started The Glass Key

-swam in a freezing pool

-came home, everyone else was across the street

-made a phone call; person wasn't there, went across the street

-ate a cold hamburger with onions, mustard, and cheese

-came home

-played Sims 3

-watched fireworks for a few minutes; went back to playing Sims 3

-went to bed

It was very exciting.

The Trek

The trek is over. I think this is the best part about it.

I was supposed to go on trek to gain a greater appreciation for my ancestors and the difficulties they went through just so they could live and practice their religion freely. Did I walk away with a greater appreciation? Not exactly. I mean, don't get me wrong, but I think that my ancestors didn't know what they were missing out on. For example, internet, bug spray, cars, planes, and other luxuries of the 21st century that I have. They had nothing with which to compare their experience. (That was a hard sentence to not dangle my participle.) I knew what they were missing out on, they didn't. It was their life. Was I grateful that they were willing to sacrifice the comforts of their homes, leave steady employment, and all civilization to do something that was asked of them and that meant a lot to them? Yes. I think this trek really made me more grateful for the everyday luxuries I have at home. The little things I take for granted.

My family (the group of people I was stuck with for three days) was pretty bad...I met some new people but the guys in my family were male chauvinists. It got annoying. I didn't get any scratches or bug bites which was pretty exciting. Other than pulling a handcart and getting a sore back, it was pretty uneventful and I came away unscathed.