Relenting

Once upon a time, a time that seemed so long ago (despite it being only a year) that it was almost becoming a distant sort of dream, someone dear to me once accused me of not trying hard enough. Little did they know how those words would echo in my mind, how they would haunt me. I don't hold anything against them for saying that; they were absolutely right, especially in the context of the situation. Nonetheless, I'm afraid it's quite true. I'm too impassive, too willing to let things happen as they will, too disposed to accept things as they are. There's a French proverb that says only dead fish swim with the current. I suppose that's what I am: a dead fish.

I'm not a fighter. I used to think that I was one to pick my fights, one who would stand up to the challenge and face it head on when it arose, one who would struggle to get what I want the most. A valiant defender when my beliefs were called into question, a proactive person when it came to getting what I desire and yearn for.

But not anymore.