It's been...a long time.

Oh hey.
I promise I haven't forgotten about you. Blogger looks so different. It's just that this past semester has been hectic and crazy and this upcoming one will be more hectic and crazier. Fun stuff.

I suppose I should just mention that I am married...yeah. I really enjoy it. I think that of all the facets and nuances of my relationship with Nathan, the one I treasure the most is our friendship. We can have the most ridiculous conversations and come up with outlandish scenarios, and it's just so fun. It's liberating to be with someone that loves you for who you are, and you don't have to worry about saying the wrong vs. the right thing or what they think about you, and all those other issues I have when conversing with people. He listens to me, I listen to him, and we talk about anything and everything. I never imagined myself married at only twenty, but I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. I am really grateful he's in my life and that I have the chance to experience life with him. I think that's another thing I love about our relationship--when he is there for the cherished, sad, awkward, hilarious moments. It's extremely fulfilling to be with someone who wants to and enjoys sharing life with you, someone who's committed to sharing all of life's difficulties and happy times. This is mostly what I look forward to. That and graduating from graduate school.

This Summer

Um, yeah...where'd it go?

I'm pretty sure this is how I always feel at this time of year. This time, however, I'm ready for the summer to be over. I'm ready to go back to Utah, to school, to Nathan, to my apartment and my cool tree mural I have which I hope is still up.

Highlights of my summer:
--I went scuba diving. It was amazing.
--I drove a back hoe. It was scary, I was afraid of breaking it, and I felt pretty legit.
--I went to the Frist with Nathan and saw this fabulous John Constable exhibition. I want to decorate my future house with nothing but Constable paintings. Seriously the best exhibit I have ever been to.
--Two brothers got married!
--I went to Michigan! I saw some friends which was really nice and went to the beach several times. I love Michigan beaches.
--I learned a lot. About life, about me, about others, about working with others, about coping with life and its challenges. This summer was a really unique experience for me, in a lot of ways. There are just some things that can't be learned any other way.

Going Back

I'm going to Michigan for the first time in a long time tomorrow.

Oh, Mitten, how I've missed you.

In which I rant

Dear Blog,

Hello.

I know you probably feel abandoned, ignored, or forgotten by me. That's OK. I would too if I were you. It's only been like two months. Let's just say I've been really really busy. Mainly working. And Nathan came to visit me, which was nice. But mainly working. It's hard to believe that 4-H camp is already over, and we're halfway through July. I'll probably be back at school before I know it. To be honest, I'm not sure how I feel about it. I miss school...but I have decisions to make before then, stuff to do, etc. For example, I'm thinking about buying a car. This would mean car shopping, spending a bunch of money (which terrifies me), insurance, and gas. Hello, adult world! Why can't I be six again, playing with my Barbies, my biggest decision being how should I dress my Barbie, and can we please go to the park for the day? Life is crazy crazy.

I had a break through the other day about myself/my personality. I'm pretty sure I've realized this about myself before, but it reoccurred to me the other day. I'm a very reserved person. I'm not very effulgent when it comes to emotions, I don't express a lot of things, I keep to myself. I never thought this would be such an issue with myself or others. But I accept it for the most part. I guess the trick is trying to get others to accept it.

I'm ready for this summer to be over. My feelings about school itself are kind of torn, but I'm ready for the frustration caused by long distance to be over. I'm tired of battling 1700 miles and having only my memories to remind or inform me of my feelings. When am I going back/how am I getting back? Good question! I don't know. How am I going to pay for gas, insurance, utilities, and food if I do buy a car? That is another very good question. I would really rather not have a part-time job while at school. I have a wonderful scholarship that I would love to maintain/need to maintain, and it requires a lot of work and focus. Sometimes I worry that other things, such as a relationship, a job, fun activities/extra curricular, or life in general, will get in the way of my education. I really think that it is my top priority, and is this a good or a bad thing? I'm not sure. Honestly, my religion is probably up there next to my education. Then I worry I'm not putting enough energy into other aspects of life, such as my relationship, socializing or relaxing and having some fun, but when I think about it, I just don't care, because it's all for the sake of my education. Heaven forbid anything get in the way of my schooling.

So basically, I still have a lot to learn, especially about life. This is where I'm at right now. Thinking, thinking, thinking; wishing, wondering, hoping. Typical me.


Yours, etc.,


Emmeline 

I am alive.

I'm afraid I keep neglecting this blog. I don't want to neglect it. I just feel so busy. This is what camp does to me, I think. I worked 50 hours last week. I'm actually pretty happy about that. I like making money. It's pretty fabulous.

Speaking of money, guess who doesn't have to pay tuition next year because she got a scholarship that covers all tuition costs? Me. Yeah, I'm pretty stoked and under some pressure.

I'm pretty excited for summer to be over. I really want to go back to school. I'm keeping busy in other ways, but I still miss it all. And I miss Nathan. Sooooo yeah.

There will be two weddings this summer. It's weird to think that I'll have three married brothers. I feel like neither is mature enough to really get married, but that's really not my concern.

Should I buy a car? This is one of many questions I am currently asking myself. Thoughts?

Changes

First and foremost: I got a hair cut. It's rather drastic for me. The last time my hair was this short, I was a little girl. I am still not sure how I feel about it. Let's just say I'm torn. 

And secondly, allow me to introduce Nathan. He's the boyfriend. He's fantastic and we have lots of fun together. Basically. 

And thirdly, I'm back at camp. Now that this day has actually come and happened, I feel like I was just here. It's so weird. This place hasn't changed at all whatsoever. I'm still doing the same jobs, the same people are here plus or minus a few, and everything just looks/feels the same. This is boggling my mind because I feel like a completely different person. These past eight months have been really definitive and life changing, and then camp has remained constant. How does this work? Once again I feel as if I'm trying to reconcile the old and new aspects of my life. Wish me luck.  

Under Pressure

This is probably the most stressful week of my life.

I have a ten minute presentation on The Night Watch to give, and I am scared, so very very scared. I just know how it's going to go over. I'll trip and stumble over my words, say "uh" or "um" a lot, and I'll either go under time because I'm talking so fast or I'll go over time because I included too much. Doesn't this sound wonderful? Like a bucket full of sunshine and happiness. Gosh, I can't wait for it to be over. Pretty sure they will be the longest ten minutes of my life. Ever.

The over-achiever inside of me really does not want an A- in this class. But really, I shouldn't be complaining about any A-minuses that come my way, because, let's face it, that's a good grade, and I'm being dumb when I say I want a solid A and not an A-. I need someone to come slap me in my face to bring me back down to reality.

Clearly this is me, mildly freaking out. Because I need to freak out somewhere, why not on the internet, on my blog that very few people even read. If you are reading this, please accept my sincerest apologies.

Alright. Back to work.