Reflections and such

I'm sitting here, all alone in my apartment, relishing in the solicitude....I love when I can hear myself think, when my thoughts just flow naturally from one thing to another. I'm so tired, but it's a good kind of tired. The kind where you know you're tired for a good reason; you don't regret feeling tired. I even got quite a bit done today despite my exhaustion. (I won't even tell you how late I woke up, mostly because my dad would be appalled. )

Today and yesterday were beautiful days. I walked all the way to the pool today just to find out that it was closed. But you know what? I didn't even care. I wanted to stay outside and just soak in the warmth. It was a perfect autumn day, and I soaked it in. I wish all Utah winters were this mild. It almost reminds me of Tennessee.

I woke up at 4:30 yesterday, wide awake. I finally rolled out of bed around five, and decided I wanted to go swimming. So I walked to the pool in the dark early morning hours, and I came to a conclusion: the hour or so before sunrise is my favorite time of the day. John Steinbeck once referred to it a quiet gray period, and for some reason, I love this description. I think it perfectly describes that time of day. It's so quiet and the promise of a new day is ripe in the air. It almost has a hopeful aspect to it.

Let it be known

That I hate firsts. 

And surprises. 

But mostly just firsts. 

Also, I am totally doing this on April Fool's Day this year. Watch out if you live in Provo.

What I Don't Understand

Is why did I wake up at seven this morning, unable to go back to sleep, on a day I did not even have school? Why?

Oh, the cruel irony of the universe.

A Tale from the Dance Floor...ish

Let it be known, I am in an international ballroom dance class. Basically we'll see how it goes.

So today in class, we "warmed up" with the box-step. For all you who are unaware, the box-step is the basic dance step of the waltz. We were supposed to have a partner with which to do this. But of course some guy did not show up to class on time, so yours truly did not have a partner with which to dance. Hence I got to dance by myself. It was weird and a little bit embarrassing, especially since people walking by could see everyone dancing with a partner...except for that one lame girl dancing awkwardly by herself. A midst trying to be ok with my situation and telling myself that others have danced by themselves before and no one really cares whether or not I have a partner (clearly I have issues with any situation that is even the least bit abnormal...it runs deep), in walks Neuroscience Guy. I call him this because the first time we danced, he was wearing a BYU Neuroscience shirt. I like to think he's studying to be a neurosurgeon or something. He totally looks like the neurosurgeon/left-brained type. (Sometimes my imagination just goes off.) Anyway so the first time I met him, he inquired if I swam. Bewildered, I answered yes then asked, with a very furrowed brow I might add, how he knew that. Laughing he said he knew this because I still had my wrist band on and, he reiterated a few times, it was not because I smelled of chlorine.

I diverge. Back to my story. I'm dancing all by myself, having a nice little pity party inside my head (Party in Emaline's head, population: 1), and in walks this guy. Impeccable timing, I think, just as the teacher shuts off the music.

And then I realize that this closely resembled a scene out of a romantic comedy type movie. Except in the film, the girl would have been devastated and stumbling over her footing just as the guy came in, took her in his arms, gazed into her eyes, and danced her away.

Or something.

So clearly I have issues with dancing alone when I should have a partner.

My life is a romantic comedy gone awry. Totally alright with that however.

I learn new things about myself [almost] every day.

"There will be little rubs and disappointments everywhere, and we are all apt to expect too much; but then, if one scheme of happiness fails, human nature turns to another; if the first calculation is wrong, we make a second better: we find comfort somewhere." -Jane Austen

Such is the theme of life.
The point is to just not give up.

Dreaming

I am a vivid and avid dreamer. I think it's because I make it a priority to get so much REM sleep.

But lately my dreams have been particularly vivid, and I'm not sure why. They have also been more taunting.

I hate taunting dreams. I wake up confused with a vague sense of longing. These are the kinds of dreams that remind me I'm not where or with the people I want to be, doing the things I would rather be doing.

The other day I woke up, and all the sudden I had the urge to just leave and drive the nine hours to Michigan. I think this often actually, but this morning the yearning was stronger than usual. I could totally do it, technically speaking. I don't really need my parents' permission....they might be upset with me if I just left with their car. I'm actually pretty sure my mother would slightly freak out. But hey! It's completely plausible [though a bit outlandish].

Christmas

Christmas this year was particularly nice.

Getting to go home for the holidays was the perfect present. Really I would have been happy with just that. I like being away from Provo for a short while. A break was more than welcome; it was needed. We ate a lot, played soccer and four square, played Celebrity, the Staring Game, and Munchkin, and then watched It's a Wonderful Life. 

If I've learned one thing this past semester, it's that I miss my dad's sense of humor, talking to my mother in person, Colby's threats and outlandish demands, Leah's facial expressions, and Abby's craziness.

I hope everyone had a nice Christmas. I know I did. There's something irreplaceable about actually seeing people face-to-face.