Pirates...Eating Chocolate Cake

Pirates...eating chocolate cake. Most people think, "Ok, so is that? Because that sentence pretty much just says everything right there, in that single sentence." Well to me, it doesn't. It doesn't answer a plethura of questions that only somebody like me would think of. So let's talk about the pirate.
Pirates are pretty cool, but I think I prefer ninjas. Anyway, pirates. Pirates generally don't have a set home. They have a birth place but they live on a ship for most of their lives. Pirates don't make an honorable living robbing other ships because that's mean and they should be slapped on the hand, given no dinner, and sent to bed. However, they are not. They are pirates living a lawless life. But when you say, "A pirate is eating chocolate cake," there are many unanswered questions about the pirate. Is the pirate a girl or boy? Does he have red hair or black hair? Is his hair long or is it a buzz cut? Is the pirate fat, skinny, or just pleasantly plump? Is the pirate tall or short? What is the pirate wearing; Prada or Chanel?
Cake is yummy but it makes me fat. However, I still eat it. When you say, "A pirate is eating chocolate cake," there are many unanswered questions about the cake. What kind of chocolate cake is it; german chocolate or dark chocolate? Is the cake double layered? Is it frosted? Does the cake have sprinkles on it (a very important question indeed)? Is the cake homemade or store-bought? Is there is frosting, what kind is it?
As you can see, saying, "a pirate eating chocolate cake," is a very broad statement and should be more specific. Therefore, it would be more appropriate to say, "A tall skinny, brown-haired, and haggard-looking pirate was eating a homemade double-layered chocolate cake that was topped with cream cheese frosting and just a dash of pink sprinkles on it." That's sounds much more professional and pleasing.