Lately

Lately I've been reflecting on the fact that my future will be drastically different from my present. I hope I'm not too changed, but this saddens me. What if I'm content with the present? What if there are certain aspects of my life I don't want to change, but I can't prevent them from evolving? What if there are people I don't want to forget, people I don't want to lose contact with?

Lately I've been thinking about May. May will be a great month this year. I'm graduating that month, I'm going to be staffing nationals, my last batch of AP tests. I've also been considering prom, for sentimentality's sake. Maybe not the dance itself....I might just be looking for an excuse to buy a nice dress and wear it. Might.

Lately I haven't really been going to school. I don't really like my school that much, but still I feel the need to go to school. My day feels unproductive without it.

Lately I've been playing quite a bit of piano. Because not only did you want to know that, you needed to know that. I'm trying to learn "Claire de Lune." It's a gorgeous song, but I'm having difficulty with the five flats and monstrous chords. My pinkies hurt.

Lately I've been quite frustrated with my quiz bowl team. I don't feel as if anything is happening with quiz bowl.  I've resorted to reading at tournaments and I'm having trouble finding motivation to study. I have this theory about why quiz bowl is playing such a major part in my life/thought processes right now--even more than usual. It's kind of like Blanche Dubois, how she couldn't let go of this ideal, this concept of beauty and youth that she outgrew. She couldn't get over her past and move forward, so she clung desperately to this fantasy that was a figment of her imagination, something she couldn't help but believe in. A frenzied hope, a cry for normalcy amidst the changing scenes of life. Or it could just be that I have little else to occupy my thoughts with little to no school work.