Expectations

I'm generally the type of person who does not have expectations at all. This prevents disappointment and dissatisfaction, for the most part. I just kind of go with the flow, experience things for the sake of experiencing them. I'm a firm believer that experience is the best teacher, so I try to keep an open mind and let the nature of things take shape in my mind afterwards.

But I hate not knowing, and that's the worst part. I think I could have an entire post dedicated to this statement.

I don't really know what to expect with college. I think it will be exhausting, difficult, demanding, and rigorous, especially since I'm taking eighteen credit hours my first semester. That makes me kind of nervous. However, other than those slightly intimidating adjectives, I just don't know. I tend to underestimate things, and I'm afraid I've done this will college already. What am I getting myself into? I can take advice from others who have been there, but personal opinions, aptitudes, and attitudes vary so much. I seldom find someone who gauges my own abilities as well as me, someone who gauges the world in a similar manner.

Conclusion: experience is a crude, but very valuable teacher.

Unstuck in Time

Time is an interesting concept.

Kurt Vonnegut wrote an entire book, Slaughterhouse Five, about a character who was unstuck in time--he moves through time so effortlessly, going from his past to his future to his present without much difficulty, just bouncing along. I can totally see where Vonnegut got this concept. I'm kind of in love with it.

In this movie, IQ, this eccentric old guy claims that there is no such thing as time, it's not real, something made up by humans in an effort to further control nature. This is what I choose to believe about time.

We really can't measure time. We try to, but who can really say if we're successful? Your future is constantly becoming your present, your present instantaneously becoming your past. It just moves on, we can't control it. It's one of the few constants in life, such as taxes and death and change.

Mother Nature has such an ironic sense of humor.

While we're on the subject, I really want a shirt with the words "I find this ironic" above a huge picture of an iron.

Dieser Sommer

This summer was actually quite eventful.
I learned that there is way too much drama that goes on behind the happy facades people wear at the Clyde York. But despite the petty drama, disagreements, and awkward situations, there's something about the CY you gotta love. I haven't quite figured out what it is.

This summer, I shot skeet with a twelve gauge shotgun for the first--and probably last--time, caught my first fish (a 10 inch crappie--pronounced "craw-pee"), made friends with a classic country girl and a Brazilian volleyball player, met a real country cowboy, had some of the best conversations with Jacob, and learned to tolerate some country music. I cleaned more toilets, mopped more floors, and pulled more weeds than most people in their whole life.

I feel like the opportunity to work at the CY this summer was a second chance given to me to see Tennessee in a new light. They've been the best three months of this past year. See you next year, guys.

Sidenote: pictorial evidence does exist of both the crappie and shotgun experience. Somehow they are in the possession of my boss....long story.

Relenting

Once upon a time, a time that seemed so long ago (despite it being only a year) that it was almost becoming a distant sort of dream, someone dear to me once accused me of not trying hard enough. Little did they know how those words would echo in my mind, how they would haunt me. I don't hold anything against them for saying that; they were absolutely right, especially in the context of the situation. Nonetheless, I'm afraid it's quite true. I'm too impassive, too willing to let things happen as they will, too disposed to accept things as they are. There's a French proverb that says only dead fish swim with the current. I suppose that's what I am: a dead fish.

I'm not a fighter. I used to think that I was one to pick my fights, one who would stand up to the challenge and face it head on when it arose, one who would struggle to get what I want the most. A valiant defender when my beliefs were called into question, a proactive person when it came to getting what I desire and yearn for.

But not anymore.

A Rather Religious Post

I had to work today, so I did not get a chance to go to church. 

I wish I could have gone to church. 

Someone once asked me if going to church every week was necessary to be a Christian. I hesitated in saying yes, because I think it depends on the person. But for me, personally, the answer would be yes. I really benefit from it. 

I was reading a talk given by Dieter F. Uchtdorf (Waiting on the Road to Damascus), and there is a section about serving others. He mentions that as we become answers to someone else's prayers by actively serving them, we find the answers to our own prayers. 

There is a saying, a truth in my own experience and personal belief, that often times the Lord answers our prayers vicariously other people. I love this concept, this strategy, if you will. The little ways in which God reminds us that he is not only there but keenly aware of us is so comforting in such a tumultuous world full of troubles--whether personal or global. That direct method of letting us know that he hears you is reassuring, a further testament that he is there. 

I believe there was a time that I was somewhat ungrateful for the people in my life. Perhaps not ungrateful, but not aware of how fortunate I was that they were there for me, that they were a part of my life, great influences on the person I have become. And then boom, suddenly they are no longer very close, and I experience a rude awakening. 

Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow....right? 

Just thought I'd share. 

Done

I'm done with this summer.

I mean, I feel like this summer has slipped away. Then again all summers are like that. What happened to June and now July? Not sure, but I do know that a lot of it has been spent at camp.

But I'm done. I just wish school would start. I anticipate college more and more every day. However, I want to skip the first month of school, with all the awkward adjustments and noobishness. Let's just pretend I'm not a freshman again, k?

Rant o' the Day

Disclosure: these are purely my thoughts and opinions, don't take anything personally. I don't mean to offend or sound pretentious.

So, yeah. Bikinis.
Let's just say...sometimes I have issues with them. I mean, if you want to wear shreds of fabric that resemble your underwear to a public pool for the whole world to see, be my guest. Whatever floats your boat.

However, I have an issue with parents who feel the need to don their little girls in bikinis. I try not to judge these sorts of parents, I'm sure they're perfectly decent and respectable people, but really? They're young, why are you putting them in attire that is not exactly age appropriate? To me, the message a bikini can send is not one little girls should be portraying. They have their whole life ahead of them to wear revealing clothing if they so wish. Let's not spoil their childhood with swimwear that's obviously meant for older, more mature women.

It's borderline amusing when girls wearing bikinis walk or run to the edge of the diving board and, before jumping, place their hand over their chest to prevent their top from coming off. I would just like to point out, for the record, it would be less worrisome to wear a one piece or tankini.

Then today I saw a girl wearing a tank top over her bikini. Darling, just save yourself the trouble and buy a tankini for heaven's sake. It's probably simpler.

"But one pieces are so annoying!! You get ugly tan-lines and they're such a bother when trying to use the bathroom!!"  Um, yeah, those issues are kinda/sorta shallow and easily fixed. Let me know when you come up with a valid complaint against tankinis or one pieces.