Have you ever wanted to talk to someone about just everything that's going on right now, but you don't know who that someone would be and even if you do try, you don't think you'd be able to articulate yourself very well?

#Current_state_of_mind.

I just can't deal.

So prom this past weekend. It was pretty great. It exceeded my [low] expectations. The best part was seeing everybody, naturally. But after getting very little sleep, feeling stressed about APs, and not eating the healthiest, I now have a cold sore. Ughhhhh.

But the exhaustion I'm having as a result of staying up until 6 AM on prom night? Totally worth it. You Michiganders should feel so special.

I feel like May has come out of nowhere. Not that I'm unhappy it's here, because I'm actually elated that it's finally here. But everything seems to be happening all at once. Graduation, APs, new job, HSNCT!, college related deadlines, etc, etc. I have so much to think about, so much I don't want to do but need to do, and so much just constantly going through my head. I can't focus very well with all this stuff going on combined with an oncoming cold and constant exhaustion. I'm confused, I'm excited, I'm afraid, I'm sad, I'm grateful, etc. I can't take all these emotions. I am not an emotional type person. They're messing with my ability to function. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. (That was me constructively releasing a bit of my frustration.)

I'm really tired, and yet after I got off work, what did I come home and do? Make a powerpoint about Spencer W. Kimball and blog and get on facebook. I should delete my facebook. It's manipulating me, I swear.

What is happening to me? I self-studied an AP last year, and this year I can't even bring myself to study for APUSH. I blame Tennessee's schools and the fact that it's my senior year and the fact that I have all this stuff going on in my life right now. I just need a break....after APs. I can wait until next week.

BroTips

While most of these are a bit profane, some of these are also really great. 

 Uhhhh.Yeah. Pretty much. 

Story of my life? Yes. 

OR the answer to a quiz bowl question. Although, if you have a Wikipedia article written about you, you are more than worthy to be the answer to a quiz bowl question. 

Meine Familie

I'm also really grateful for these guys.

When Luke first came home from his mission in March, and all of my immediate family was in town to see him for the first time in two years, those were some of the happiest days. So glad we have an eternity.

They don't really know this, but they're part of the reason I chose BYU.
Op. Guess it's out.

Kaboodle Furniture

I feel like I've walked into a Dr. Seuss novel.
Love.

EBB, Vermeer, and Very Little Sleep

I feel like my last post was really...angsty/pessimistic. Sorry. I hate it when I do that. (Spellcheck suggested "gangsta" as a replacement for "angsty" when I did a spellcheck. Wow.)

So I had two and a half hours of sleep last night.
Note to self: Do not let Luke coerce you into staying up so late. This is the second time he's done this to me. He's lucky I actually woke up on time to go to seminary. And that's the weirdest part. I actually woke up earlier to get ready for seminary than on most other days when I have much more sleep. Hmmm.

For the next few weeks, I'll be posting about things I'm grateful for or things that I just really like.

The Guitar Player, Jan Vermeer

Today's: Elizabeth Barrett Browning's Sonnets from the Portuguese, number XXXII and the above painting by Vermeer. (He's one of the many reasons I love Dutch art.)
Have I ever mentioned how I kinda/sorta want a guy to write me this kind of poetry? No wonder Robert Browning ended up marrying her.

A Bit o' Therapy

Right. So.It has been way too long since I last blogged.The lack of blogging has clearly taken its toll on my mental health. I have all these different thoughts coursing through my head and I'm afraid I won't be able to spill them all out in one coherent blog post. If I try to do this, then it might turn into one really long giant run-on sentence glaring you in the face and then how would that be? Pitiful, indeed.

First things first: college. I'm going to dedicate a whole other post as to why I chose Brigham Young University, for many reasons. Mainly because I need to remind myself of why I'm going and also to explain to others, especially those who know me, why I chose this school. But let's start with today's happenings involving them. I went to pick a room, and the only dorms left were the most expensive ones in Helaman Halls. (It's so Mormon, I know. I am so amused by this.) Not only are they the most expensive, but I need a really expensive meal plan to go with it. There is no way I'm going to pay $3,700--4,400 for a meal plan when I know I can do it for so much less. No way. Conclusion: I am not going to be living in the dorms. Yeah, I confess this is mildly disappointing. I had looked forward to the stereotypical college experience, if even for just one year, with the dorm life, roommates, etc. But looks like that is not happening. So now I have to search for alternatives, and this requires more work and effort on my part. THANKS, BYU. But oh well. My college expenses just went from a little over $7,000 to a solid $4,210. I can deal with that. That price makes me super happy.

Secondly: I am going to prom. My dress makes me feel like Elizabeth Darcy and this makes me really excited. I could totally get used to that feeling.

Thirdly: I got a summer job. It's at a 4H camp in Tennessee. I will be lifeguarding and cleaning and washing and gardening and all that other good stuff. I'm kind of excited for it. I hope to make some good money and establish some connections. That would be nice.

Fourthly: I'm confused. I don't know what I want, and then I worry that maybe art history isn't really what I want to major in and maybe I don't want to go to BYU or even Utah for that matter--hence why I need a blog post reminding me of why I'm choosing that school. (Also, I'm very intimidated by the number of Mormons in Utah. It's frightening.) I just need to be alone and think...but this is impossible with a family as big as mine. I left the house to make a deposit at the bank today and failed to tell mother. She called me ten minutes later frantically asking where I had went. And then a month ago, I was having an interview over the phone and I was up in my room talking to this guy when my dad knocks on my door. I'm in the middle of an interview, and the guy is in the middle of saying something, and my dad keeps knocking. I'm about to get off the phone, and so I figure I'll just wait a minute then explain to my dad what I was doing. But he keeps knocking, and it gets louder and louder. Until finally, I get off the phone only to open my door to see my dad with the door key in his hand, trying to unlock my door. Umm, hello? It was locked for a reason. Can you not wait? I don't know if it's just me, but I just felt like that was an overreaction. .....And that was a total divergence from the topic sentence of this "fourthly" point. But basically I don't know what I want anymore, other than the vague/general "be happy" or "to be successful in life." It's the getting there that I'm confused about.

K. I feel better now. I'll have to post some real/relevant/interesting blog posts soon. Sorry.